overwhelmed… an understatement.

So we all have bad days, right? Days that just defeat us completely. Days that we’d rather forget. Days that we just want to go home and cry until we fall asleep and never wake up… Okay the last one is a little drastic, but it’s seriously how I’ve felt all night since I got home.

Let’s begin with how I thought today was going to go; I planned to wake up early, make myself breakfast, go to class a little early, get stuff done, and go to my other classes… Well I guess I did most of that. I basically over slept and rushed to class though, and then, realized I left ALL of the notebooks and textbooks I needed AT HOME. Then, I found out I have to sign up for “service learning” hours for TWO of my classes… Volunteer work? Yeah, cool, no big deal right? Well, we have EXTREMELY specific programs we can work with and the options are absolutely terrible. So that was just sort of the beginning of the catastrophe called “today” for me.

See, the rest I don’t really want to talk about. Just because the thought of all of it makes me want to curl into a ball again… Basically, one of the main things is my 400 level research course. I’ve found out that the topic I want to do is basically the most challenging thing I could have decided on. It requires me to take myself 110% out of my comfort zone and to do everything I can to be accepted by a culture I know NOTHING about; and even then they might not trust me enough to share the information with me that I need. They might hate me, they might tell me to NEVER come back or talk to them again. Truth is, I DO NOT KNOW. My topic isn’t exactly sensitive to the community, but it is almost… Sacred, to the people in which I want to study.  But again… I really don’t want to get into it right now. Sorry.

The rest has been a conglomeration (holy shit I spelled that correctly,) of little things piling up and eating me from the inside out. Between financial burdens and family things I’ve begun to worry about, I don’t know what I’m even supposed to do or if I can even do anything anymore. Plus, the stress of needing to land the job I will be interviewing for this week is just killing me. I know I haven’t gone into detail so all this probably doesn’t seem so bad to you. But, let me tell you… When you get home, collapse into your bed and want to do nothing but cry and be held (sadly having no one to do so anyway,) there is nothing more defeating in the world.

Well, I’ve ranted enough for one night, while saying nothing at all really. I’ve actually given myself a migraine from stressing out so badly… I think I’m going to go hide for a long long time and not come out of my room for any reason other than eating and showering.

Have a better night than I’m having.


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