thunder is so soothing

seriously, the powerful crashes of thunder that have been booming all day have really put my mind at ease. if that’s possible…

I had a huge emotional meltdown earlier today in the realization that I’m  a huge financial burden on my family. Also, that I am terrified of becoming like an unnamed family member who is considered our black sheep.

All in all, this all comes down to a housing situation and my inability to catch a break. However, this is not entirely my fault in a way- it is simply my fault for relying on other people and trusting them to hold up their ends of certain bargains. I’m talking about roommates.

I should have just stuck with the one bedroom apartment I planned on getting last year, but no. I had to make stupid rash decisions and listen to people I wanted to trust. Now, I’ve landed myself in a lease I cannot get out of (because I renewed it for the sake of living with a roommate that promised to renew as well and then bailed when I never should have lived here in the first place.)

At least now, I’ve finally procured some sort of financial reassurance towards my goal of landing a one bedroom lease else where. Though, unless I can find a way to sublease my current place I will be royally screwed. Why? Because I will be forced to pay TWO rent payments adding up over $1000/mo…. And that is something I cannot do…

BUT, I need to sign a lease for a one bedroom before they run out at the place I’m looking at. So, I have to take that chance and risk everything for the sake of not dealing with the horrible scenario of living with strangers once again…

God, I really need this to work out….

ANYWAY, it’s raining and I needed to vent. I’m feeling a little better now but am still one big ball of stress and emotions.

With that said, I think I’m going to go buy a smoothie and park my car in the rain for a bit.

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