the basics of emotion

I’ve found myself watching Rise of the Planet of the Apes this afternoon, and my heart really breaks for Caesar. It really, really does. I mean, currently I am only about halfway into the film. Where Caesar steals the pocket knife of of Tom Felton’s dumb ass buddy. But anyway, Caesar just seems to be expressing the most basic primal emotions thus far into the movie. The things we all want.
Freedom, compassion, and most of all… Love.

He wants nothing more than to be reunited with his family in his home, to be with them and to protect them. But when James Franco can’t bring him home- of course he feels abandoned and betrayed. Everything that happened to him only happened because he did what any human would do for someone they loved and cared about deeply. He was protecting his “grandfather” from what he thought was an imminent threat. We’d all do the same thing- but then again we aren’t all chimpanzees.

So my heart really goes out to Caesar for this reason.

The other thing about this film that really gets to me is the greed and cruelty of humans. It is absolutely sick how Tom Felton’s character abused the animals in the infirmary without a second thought. I mean for God’s sake Malfoy, you’re still a dick how many years after Hogwarts? (that was a joke?)

On a side note, take everything I’ve said with a grain of salt, because I’m really just babbling and using the actors names because the first time I watch a film I’m way too invested in the plot to pay attention to the characters names. Besides Caesar I guess, but he’s the star of the show.

I also love the orangutan. He’s probably my favorite. Honestly, I wish I would have paid more attention to Intro to Anthropology and how much we learned about apes. I guess it’s a good thing I have to retake the course. Ha… Ha…

In any case, I wanted to vent some of my feelings about this movie while watching it.

Have a great day guys, I’ll try to update again soon.

PS: My life is still no longer in shambles, new title to come.

an amazing feeling is…

when you are finally, undeniably, inconceivably happy. whats even better is finding out that the people who made your life hell everyday, just to make themselves feel better, are finally getting what they deserve…

I mean, I don’t want to sound cruel or anything, but there are several people in my past who I will more than likely never be able to forgive for some reason or another. But, the reason are always very valid, I promise… And now, I can finally say that despite everything I’ve been through… I am happier than I ever could have imagined myself being.

As some, most, all, or none of you may know- for a long time I was battling depression and such. I had my own demons and their causes. Unfortunately, most of those demons and causes were the people who I either surrounded myself with- or the actions that other people did that impacted me either directly or vicariously. I mean, in my head there’s definitely a top 5 list of people who have screwed me over the most or have hurt me the worst. Whether it be 4 years ago or 4 months ago… In any case, it’s safe to say that I can hold a grudge. Especially when it involves broken hearts.

I can without a doubt say that there have been two people in my life that broke my heart into a million pieces. One when I was a sophomore/junior in high school, and one at the beginning of last school year. I mean, there was also the loss of my dog, Tobi, and I still blame a certain blonde bitch of a roommate for that too- but that’s not what I’m getting at….

I really don’t want to name names or go into too much detail because I’m done living in the past. But there are two people in particular that I will never be able to forgive. There was a girl, she was trouble, and she ruined my relationship with the first guy I ever loved- and she did it single-handedly. Four years later; I’m not over her or his actions and the months, arguably years, of hell it put me through. But I must say, if it weren’t for you Kelsey… I wouldn’t be the same person I am today. So kudos. I’m sorry you’re dealing with some shit and a lot of people hate you, myself included, but hey- good luck to you and your career as a lonely barista. (yeah I keep tabs every once in a while.)

Okay, sue me, I started naming names… Sorry, not sorry?

Ah, well, then there’s the more recent heart break. This one was completely ridiculous and unnecessary and never should have happened. Like, seriously, I should have known from the first time we hung out he told me all he did was “hurt girls.” Oh boy, Matt, did you ever break me. It wasn’t until you that I had legitimate thoughts of suicide. That was all before shit really hit the fan too. You had me wrapped around your finger and then you used me and borderline abused me and threw me away. I can’t believe how much I would have done for you. I’m glad I gained some sense… But, I really wish I had never met you. The next time a cute guy in my class sits next to me and opens with “nice Nintendo backpack” I’ll be sure to tell him to fuck off.

Anyway, now that the ranting and venting is over… I just want to get to the point of all this.

I have had my ups and my downs, as you can now see. But, for a long time because of them, I was convinced that I’d never date again and that I’d forever live alone and be a crazy cat/dog lady. However, no matter how low I was or how far other people had shoved me into the dirt I can happily say I’m standing much, much, stronger now. More than ever, honestly. Why?

Because I met someone, someone who makes me happy and has convinced me that the right relationships DO exist. The thing is we’ve only been dating for a couple weeks- but we’ve known each other (no matter how vaguely) for six years. We went to high school together, had crushes on each other at varied times throughout, and now- two years after graduation we finally started talking and realized how amazing we are together. To be honest the compatibility scares me a little because it’s so strong. But anyway, we agree that in high school we never would have worked… But now, the both of us are happier than ever. We fit together so incredibly well that now I always have a smile on my face. The best part is, that I’m not afraid of getting my heart broken again. I mean, I truly believe that this could very well be the best thing that has ever happened to me.

And after some really rough years, I’m glad something has finally worked out in my life.

If you’re reading this…Thank you honey. I’m so glad to call myself yours.

And thanks to all you for reading this, and following my bog- keeping up with my life.

I am happy to announce that my life is no longer in shambles.