my new keyboard kicks ass.

so i decided to write a blog entry, also because I can’t seem to sleep again. I’m seriously ready to go back to my hermit life in my one bedroom apartment; I’ve only been gone for a day too. I guess that’s what happens when the people you care about the most make you feel like you’re virtually worthless.

Oh shut up, I am not being overly dramatic. That’s how I legitimately feel right now. Worthless. Selfish. Clueless. Sorry, everyone, news flash!
I am not perfect.

I am a human being with some deep seeded emotional disadvantages (notice how I didn’t say “problems”) and I can’t help how I am or how I act or what I say. So learn to deal with it or walk the fuck away.

Please, though, don’t actually walk away.. I say I enjoy my little hermit life, but we all know from previous posts that I get so incredibly lonely. I just can’t managed to please anyone I guess… I spend all my money on them, use all my free time for them,  drive across the state for them… And still am apparently a selfish little bitch- or so I’ve come to understand.

All I ever want is to make others happy… And then they tell me that I should try to make myself happy and make the decisions myself. Then, when I do- all hell breaks loose and they tell me that I’m not considering them. news flash… I did. and I do. I guess you were all kidding when you said I should think about myself too.

fuck this, I don’t want to rant anymore. I don’t want to feel bad anymore.

Time to go write some angsty poetry…



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